Wednesday, July 04, 2007
At the end of this day... one shall stand, one shall fall.
So Ben and I went to see a sneak preview of Transformers on Monday. I probably don't need to tell you that we were excited about it. Because we really weren't. I'm not a Michael Bay fan, so I went into this fully expecting a big steaming pile of crap, raping my childhood heroes.
I was only halfway surprised that it wasn't.
Let me start by saying that while I'm not as big of a fan or freak as some of my friends about Transformers in general (so I'm sure my opinion will be deemed as buffoonery because I'm not a "true fan"), my sister and I grew up with these toys, we watched them on TV and on the big screen. I moved on to a more healthy obsession with the Nightmare Before Christmas and though I stopped buying the toys, my nostalgia for the franchise remained.
So when I heard they were making a new live action movie, I was thrilled. And then I learned that Michael Bay was going to direct. I was less than thrilled. Then I heard that GM had made some sort of deal with the film makers and ALL of the autobots would be GM vehicles. I was less than less than thrilled. And then I saw the first promo pics of Optimus Prime and saw that he had flames painted on his Peterbilt. FLAMES!!!!!!! At that point, I decided that I may not even waste my time on seeing it. Because clearly, the film makers were not making a kids movie, and not even staying true to their source material. I know, most of these are fangirl complaints, but not all of them. Did I mention that Prime also had LIPS?
Anyway, we ended up going, and my below the gutter expectations actually made the movie a lot more enjoyable for me. At least the parts where there were actually robots fighting. Which I'd say made up about 30 minutes of film.
My formula for a kick ass Transformers movie? MORE robots, LESS humans!
The "Spike" character was played by Shia LeBeouf, who was laughable, at best. His whiny, deer in headlights look got annoying after about the first 5 minutes. His "hot" grease monkey in 2 inches of skirt material love interest, Megan Fox could have been played by a broom handle and I wouldn't have noticed the difference, except there maybe would have been less "whoops" and "yeahs" from the under-sexed over-stimulated asshats in the theatre, so that would have been ok. Let's not forget about Josh Duhamel, the throw away army captain (who I'm guessing was supposed to be a bone thrown to the 10 women that were in the audience) whose story line went nowhere and who really made no impact on my moviegoing experience whatsoever. And then there's John Turturro... oh John... How sad it was to see The Jesus in such a ridiculous and un-needed role. His character was obtuse, and every scene that he was in could have been cut and I honestly don't think anyone would have noticed. I LOVE John Turturro, so it really broke my heart to see him in such a bad role.
So yeah, my opinion on the acting? Meh...
Then we have the Autobots and the Decepticons. You know, the robots that this movie was SUPPOSED to be about? My first inclination of the downward spiral I was about to endure was the scene where Sam (LeBouf) was taken to a car dealership by his dad to get his first car. Bumblebee shows up and basically puts all the other cars out of commission so that Sam HAS to buy him. How do we know that this is Bumblebee? First, in an apparent homage to the old toys, there is a beat to shit yellow VW Bug sitting on the lot as the "real" Bumblebee pulls up next to it in his yellow and black racing stripe Camaro glory. Sam gets into Bumblebee and we see a small bee shaped air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror. YAY, it's Bumblebee!!! Then Sam drives away and wait... the air freshener turns and we see.... the word "bee-otch" underneath the bee.
YUP. Bee-otch.... A small piece of me died as I knew right there that this train wreck was about to be derailed.
My main gripes with this movie was the fact that there was basically NO interaction with the Autobots save for a few one liners when they all show up for the first time. The big reason I hate pop culture references in movies, comics, songs, basically anything is because usually, by the time a phrase makes it into a movie, NO ONE is saying it anymore! Case in point, the phrase "My Bad", uttered by Jazz, I believe. Seriously? My bad? Did ANYONE ever REALLY say that?
The Autobots were portrayed as a joke, especially in the scene where Sam and Broomhandle are looking for his grandfather's glasses that he's selling on eBay (that's right eBay!) as the bots run amok in the kid's backyard. They were portrayed as bumbling fools who learned about earth from the Interwebs. I half expected one of them to yell "WAZZZZUUUPPP!"
I know that Micheal Bay wanted to make a kids movie, but "edgier", which, in my opinion makes it NOT a kids movie, but I'm splitting hairs here. It was PG-13 so toilet humor and lame jokes were expected. One of the things that I did NOT expect (though looking back, I don't know WHY I didn't see this one coming from a Michael Bay movie) was the stereotype of uber hot chicks in scenarios that most likely are not based in reality. The scientist in high heels, a nose ring and bleached out hair slipping into the secretary of defense's "private meeting"? THAT'S realistic! About as realistic as the secretary of defense REALLY doing anything in a real life scenario. I was also not expecting to EVER, EVER see an Autobot, purveyor of what is good, right and just in this world PEEING on a government agent. NEVER. But there I was, rubbing my eyes and giving Ben my best "Am I on the same planet as ANYONE else in this theatre?" look.
I know that a lot of people were put off by some of the language in the movie, that it was too adult for kids, but I'm of the mind, that a lot of that kind of language does tend to go over kid's heads in some aspects. This wasn't rated G or even PG, so the language was expected a little. There are a lot of movies that have adult language and innuendos that aren't meant for the kids and most likely aren't picked up by them. Kids are more visual, so MY biggest problem was the whole love interest storyline and the main girl, who was supposed to be all of 16 or 17 in about 2 inches of clothing for the first part of the movie. The CLOSE UP shots of her cleavage and butt, the lunging look from Sam, the horny teenager. Let's not forget the scene where the embarrassed Sam has been "called out" by his mom asking him if he was masturbating and the dad freaks out and the kid freaks out. Oh my! Scandalous! But when Broomhandle stands up from her hiding place the parents are TOTALLY nonplussed that their 16 or 17 year old son was locked in his room with a scantily clad 16 or 17 year old... It's NOT ok to be whacking off in your own room, but as long as you're being a stud with a girl in your room, son, that's A-OK in the good parent's handbook. Just another example of the exploitation of women, and a GREAT thing to teach little girls. Especially Broomhandle's line of "guys don't like the fact that I know more about cars than they do" so she doesn't bring it up and basically acts like a trampy ditz to get guys to like her. Write that down in your notebooks, girls! You can't get a man if you're smart because guys don't like that, so dress scantily and you'll maybe land a man, because THAT is what's REALLY important. And boys, don't you worry, even if you're a total horndog nerd loser, you can STILL get the hot girl because those girls are the only ones worth going after anyway!
So all in all, I enjoyed the movie. I just turned my brain off at the parts that were absurd and obviously not meant for someone like me, read: a girl with brains. I enjoyed the robot fighting, what little of it there was. The CGI was amazing, not once did I ever think it looked fake, though I'm tired of the shaky camera work so that you can't tell what's going on.
I'd also like it to be known that every action movie does NOT have to have a lame love story plotline. The hot scientist chick could have been left for eye candy for the asshats who only go see movies for this, but Broomhandle could have been taken out completely, and they could have made the relationship between Sam and Bumblebee the most important one, you know, like how the cartoon was. The KID and the Autobots, THAT was the relationship. Children of Men is an awesome movie and a PRIME example of an action movie that has NO love story. Take notes, Hollywood.
I liked the update of Megatron, because becoming a gun just isn't practical (I read where someone compared it to Darth Vader turning into his own light saber and then needing someone else to wield it, HA!) and toymakers WON'T make realistic toy guns anymore and merchandising is THE most important aspect of movie making. I also cried like an idiot when Bumblebee got caught by the feds and was being tortured. I again cried when he lost his legs, because it was just sad and I'm hormonal, so fuck off.
It was an enjoyable ride for what it was. I'm sure I'm about the only one that had this opinion so don't let my rambling stop you from seeing it.
I was only halfway surprised that it wasn't.
Let me start by saying that while I'm not as big of a fan or freak as some of my friends about Transformers in general (so I'm sure my opinion will be deemed as buffoonery because I'm not a "true fan"), my sister and I grew up with these toys, we watched them on TV and on the big screen. I moved on to a more healthy obsession with the Nightmare Before Christmas and though I stopped buying the toys, my nostalgia for the franchise remained.
So when I heard they were making a new live action movie, I was thrilled. And then I learned that Michael Bay was going to direct. I was less than thrilled. Then I heard that GM had made some sort of deal with the film makers and ALL of the autobots would be GM vehicles. I was less than less than thrilled. And then I saw the first promo pics of Optimus Prime and saw that he had flames painted on his Peterbilt. FLAMES!!!!!!! At that point, I decided that I may not even waste my time on seeing it. Because clearly, the film makers were not making a kids movie, and not even staying true to their source material. I know, most of these are fangirl complaints, but not all of them. Did I mention that Prime also had LIPS?
Anyway, we ended up going, and my below the gutter expectations actually made the movie a lot more enjoyable for me. At least the parts where there were actually robots fighting. Which I'd say made up about 30 minutes of film.
My formula for a kick ass Transformers movie? MORE robots, LESS humans!
The "Spike" character was played by Shia LeBeouf, who was laughable, at best. His whiny, deer in headlights look got annoying after about the first 5 minutes. His "hot" grease monkey in 2 inches of skirt material love interest, Megan Fox could have been played by a broom handle and I wouldn't have noticed the difference, except there maybe would have been less "whoops" and "yeahs" from the under-sexed over-stimulated asshats in the theatre, so that would have been ok. Let's not forget about Josh Duhamel, the throw away army captain (who I'm guessing was supposed to be a bone thrown to the 10 women that were in the audience) whose story line went nowhere and who really made no impact on my moviegoing experience whatsoever. And then there's John Turturro... oh John... How sad it was to see The Jesus in such a ridiculous and un-needed role. His character was obtuse, and every scene that he was in could have been cut and I honestly don't think anyone would have noticed. I LOVE John Turturro, so it really broke my heart to see him in such a bad role.
So yeah, my opinion on the acting? Meh...
Then we have the Autobots and the Decepticons. You know, the robots that this movie was SUPPOSED to be about? My first inclination of the downward spiral I was about to endure was the scene where Sam (LeBouf) was taken to a car dealership by his dad to get his first car. Bumblebee shows up and basically puts all the other cars out of commission so that Sam HAS to buy him. How do we know that this is Bumblebee? First, in an apparent homage to the old toys, there is a beat to shit yellow VW Bug sitting on the lot as the "real" Bumblebee pulls up next to it in his yellow and black racing stripe Camaro glory. Sam gets into Bumblebee and we see a small bee shaped air freshener hanging from the rearview mirror. YAY, it's Bumblebee!!! Then Sam drives away and wait... the air freshener turns and we see.... the word "bee-otch" underneath the bee.
YUP. Bee-otch.... A small piece of me died as I knew right there that this train wreck was about to be derailed.
My main gripes with this movie was the fact that there was basically NO interaction with the Autobots save for a few one liners when they all show up for the first time. The big reason I hate pop culture references in movies, comics, songs, basically anything is because usually, by the time a phrase makes it into a movie, NO ONE is saying it anymore! Case in point, the phrase "My Bad", uttered by Jazz, I believe. Seriously? My bad? Did ANYONE ever REALLY say that?
The Autobots were portrayed as a joke, especially in the scene where Sam and Broomhandle are looking for his grandfather's glasses that he's selling on eBay (that's right eBay!) as the bots run amok in the kid's backyard. They were portrayed as bumbling fools who learned about earth from the Interwebs. I half expected one of them to yell "WAZZZZUUUPPP!"
I know that Micheal Bay wanted to make a kids movie, but "edgier", which, in my opinion makes it NOT a kids movie, but I'm splitting hairs here. It was PG-13 so toilet humor and lame jokes were expected. One of the things that I did NOT expect (though looking back, I don't know WHY I didn't see this one coming from a Michael Bay movie) was the stereotype of uber hot chicks in scenarios that most likely are not based in reality. The scientist in high heels, a nose ring and bleached out hair slipping into the secretary of defense's "private meeting"? THAT'S realistic! About as realistic as the secretary of defense REALLY doing anything in a real life scenario. I was also not expecting to EVER, EVER see an Autobot, purveyor of what is good, right and just in this world PEEING on a government agent. NEVER. But there I was, rubbing my eyes and giving Ben my best "Am I on the same planet as ANYONE else in this theatre?" look.
I know that a lot of people were put off by some of the language in the movie, that it was too adult for kids, but I'm of the mind, that a lot of that kind of language does tend to go over kid's heads in some aspects. This wasn't rated G or even PG, so the language was expected a little. There are a lot of movies that have adult language and innuendos that aren't meant for the kids and most likely aren't picked up by them. Kids are more visual, so MY biggest problem was the whole love interest storyline and the main girl, who was supposed to be all of 16 or 17 in about 2 inches of clothing for the first part of the movie. The CLOSE UP shots of her cleavage and butt, the lunging look from Sam, the horny teenager. Let's not forget the scene where the embarrassed Sam has been "called out" by his mom asking him if he was masturbating and the dad freaks out and the kid freaks out. Oh my! Scandalous! But when Broomhandle stands up from her hiding place the parents are TOTALLY nonplussed that their 16 or 17 year old son was locked in his room with a scantily clad 16 or 17 year old... It's NOT ok to be whacking off in your own room, but as long as you're being a stud with a girl in your room, son, that's A-OK in the good parent's handbook. Just another example of the exploitation of women, and a GREAT thing to teach little girls. Especially Broomhandle's line of "guys don't like the fact that I know more about cars than they do" so she doesn't bring it up and basically acts like a trampy ditz to get guys to like her. Write that down in your notebooks, girls! You can't get a man if you're smart because guys don't like that, so dress scantily and you'll maybe land a man, because THAT is what's REALLY important. And boys, don't you worry, even if you're a total horndog nerd loser, you can STILL get the hot girl because those girls are the only ones worth going after anyway!
So all in all, I enjoyed the movie. I just turned my brain off at the parts that were absurd and obviously not meant for someone like me, read: a girl with brains. I enjoyed the robot fighting, what little of it there was. The CGI was amazing, not once did I ever think it looked fake, though I'm tired of the shaky camera work so that you can't tell what's going on.
I'd also like it to be known that every action movie does NOT have to have a lame love story plotline. The hot scientist chick could have been left for eye candy for the asshats who only go see movies for this, but Broomhandle could have been taken out completely, and they could have made the relationship between Sam and Bumblebee the most important one, you know, like how the cartoon was. The KID and the Autobots, THAT was the relationship. Children of Men is an awesome movie and a PRIME example of an action movie that has NO love story. Take notes, Hollywood.
I liked the update of Megatron, because becoming a gun just isn't practical (I read where someone compared it to Darth Vader turning into his own light saber and then needing someone else to wield it, HA!) and toymakers WON'T make realistic toy guns anymore and merchandising is THE most important aspect of movie making. I also cried like an idiot when Bumblebee got caught by the feds and was being tortured. I again cried when he lost his legs, because it was just sad and I'm hormonal, so fuck off.
It was an enjoyable ride for what it was. I'm sure I'm about the only one that had this opinion so don't let my rambling stop you from seeing it.
Comments:
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Prime said "my Bad" making it all that much worse.
I thought you calling her broomhandle was pretty funny. :)
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I thought you calling her broomhandle was pretty funny. :)
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